“Xati… what the hell are you doing?”

“Smokin‘,”

Xelcan made a face, “I can see that. What else are you doing?”

Looking down at himself, Xati blinked. There was a half eaten bag of pretzel nubs next to a few empty soda cans, many of which had been turned into impromptu ashtrays, a few scattered magazines and a remote resting on his chest. “Nothing,”

An annoyed sigh. “Have you finished your missions?”

“Yeeep,”

Xati blew a puff of smoke and Xelcan’s nose wrinkled in distaste. As the brunette took another puff, he stopped short, pulling the cigarette out of his lips and flipping it between his fingers to look at the frozen tip.

“Don’ you ‘ave any new tricks, mate? Get creative!” He flipped his zippo open, melting the tip and attempting to relight it. A yelp as the metal in his hand over heated. “Oh, tha’ is low, mate, real low,” he waved the cigarette at him. “You light this, y’bastard, or bad shit’s gonna ‘appen. ‘M getting th’ shakes, ‘ere,”

“Then maybe you should cut back,” Xelcan replied haughtily. “Seven packs a day not enough for you?”

Xati pouted, poking his lighter to test it. Still hot. Maybe… “Nu-uh,” he pressed the cigarette end to it, pouting when it didn’t light. Throwing it distastefully over his shoulder and the side of the couch he was on, he rifled through his pockets for a pack. He kept three on him at all times - for security purposes. Pocketing his lighter, he gave a huff at the angered look Xelcan was giving him. “Mate, wha’ in the world crawled up y’butt? It’s dead, so y’migh’ as well scrape it on out,” pushing himself up, spreading crumbs and ashes on the plush cushions and the pristine white floor, he pulled out a matchbook and lit one of his smokes. He didn’t like matches that much, the smell of the smoke produced from them was acrid, unlike his soothing puffs of gray that came from his cigarettes, but he’d use them in a pinch.

“Why don’t you be constructive for once in your life?” Xelcan asked, huffing. He hated to be the “bad man” authority figure. If only someone else would kick him in the ass.

“Fine. I’ll go find Shirix and see if I can’t ge’ t’second base wif ‘er, that’ll be constructive,”

“More like destructive,” Xelcan scowled as Xati moved to leave the room. “Clean up after yourself, you slob,”

Rolling his eyes and motioning the hand with his cigarette in a babbling motion, Xati turned and expelled a puff of smoke, waving his fingers at the puff for a few moments. The smoke moved over the couch and the floor, passing over the soda cans before dissipating. All that was left was clean floor and couch. “Bitch, bitch, moan. You need to ge’ some, mate, seriously,”

Slumping on the couch closest to the side table, Xelcan crossed his arms, “Like you would know anything about getting any,” a smirk. “How many times has Shirix turned you down? Can’t be any more than Liemyx… or Gnalex, she enjoys taping your mouth shut with your own cigarette paper,”

Xati’s face hardened for a moment before breaking out into a congenial smile. “Mate, can’t we jus’ be friends? Here,” he took a puff and expelled it, circling his fingers for a few moments. From across the room, a coffee cup floated to Xelcan, landing softly on the table beside him. “Enjoy this peace offering… black wif sugar, righ’? I know Liemyx usually makes yer coffee, bu’ I was in th’ mood for some, too,”

“Which means you went into the kitchen this morning and begged and pleaded until she made you some,”

“Starbucks is like… ten blocks away, mate,”

Xelcan made a face. “Starbucks? What in the hell is a ‘Starbucks’?”

A pause. “Dunno, but t’doesn’ sound too good,” a smile. “Enjoy. Ice it or nuke it, it’s yer choice,” he placed a hand over where his heart was supposed to be. “Haven’ touched mine,” he grinned, circling his hands and producing another cup.

Xelcan didn’t argue. Xati was many things - obnoxious, horny, womanizing, an absolute thorn in his side - but he always kept his word. However, with the appearance of another cup, he wasn’t so sure. Repeating the Nobody’s words in his head, Xelcan’s face melded into a frown. “You’ve done something to this one, then,”

There was no perceptible change in the smile on Xati’s face, but he did take a hit off his cigarette. “Preposterous, Xelly, I’ve done nothi’ of the sort,”

The temperature rose a little, “Then you won’t mind switching with me, hmm?” he rose and calmly took Xati’s coffee cup, replacing it with his own. There was a pause as he stared at the pink floral print on Xati’s cup, shaking his head. His own had a nice blue checkered pattern on it, circling the rim, leave it to the addict to have the ugliest cup in the house.

Staring at the cup in distaste for a moment, Xati swallowed, moving his cigarette around his mouth with his tongue. “Well… I’m… I’mma ge’ some cream for this, mate, y’like yers a li’l t’sweet for m’tastes,” he managed a smile, letting out one last puff of smoke as he left. It took the shape of a smiley face and Xelcan rolled his eyes as it winked, taking his place back on the sofa.

Finally, quiet.

He breathed in the smell of his coffee for a moment, smiling at the rich aroma. Blowing on it softly, he watched steam begin to flow from the top once more before taking a sip. A little bitter to what he was used to, but with the taste of victory, all the sweeter. As he took another sip, Shirix, Gnalex, and Xojhn entered, the two girls laughing to themselves.

A smile crossed Xelcan’s face. “What’s got you so happy?”

Xojhn replied for the two girls as they dissolved into giggle fits. “Xati walked by them in the hallway. I believe he was hitting on them again,”

“Again?” Xelcan frowned. “I assumed he’d set his sights on Liemyx this morning, he mentioned getting coffee,”

Shirix, laughing again, wiped a tear from her eye. “Liemyx wasn’t making the coffee this morning, she’s been preparing potions all evening and just woke up,”

Xelcan’s face screwed up, “Then… who?” he smiled. “What did you do to him when he tried? Paper?”

“No, for once he wasn’t smoking,” Gnalex smiled. “Xati knows better than to smoke in the kitchen,” truth be told, she didn’t quite hate the attention the young man gave her. It was flattering to know that she was attractive to such a charming young man, but she knew, somehow, that his affections were one hundred percent. It wasn’t just that he flirted with anything bipedal, it was a glint in his eyes… a sadness. But, still, he’d grabbed her ass. That required punishment.

“Shirix?” Xelcan turned to her, expecting that she had charmed him somehow.

“No, we did something much worse than a hex,” the witch looked to Xojhn, who chuckled into his fist, and smiled. Nudging her head in his direction, a smirk blossomed on her features. “Had him piss in his coffee,”

The trio began to laugh and Xelcan paused, mid-sip, eyeing the drink in his hands. When the three realized their friend wasn’t chuckling, they stopped and eyed him, confused. That’s when Gnalex noticed.

“Oh… um… I’ll go ask Liemyx for some of that… heavy duty mouthwash she gives Xati for his tar-breath,”

Xelcan’s hair began to color and Shirix quickly pulled the cup out of his hand before it shattered from the heat, placing it aside. Xojhn gulped, quickly making a barrier around him and the young witch as Gnalex scurried out of the room. The temperature continued to rise and Xelcan’s eye began to twitch.

“That… idiotic jack off!”

“Now now, he didn’t know,” Shirix tried to calm him, holding her hands up placatingly. “If anything, you probably made him switch, right?”

“Because I knew he pissed in the coffee he was going to give me!” his eye twitched again as he remembered what he had just consumed. Turning towards the doorway, he began to stalk out, fists clenched at his sides and wallpaper curling as the glue bonding it to the walls melted away.

He took a deep breath and-

- - - - -

“And so I le’im take m’coffee, I mean… no biggie, righ’? I jus’ wash ou’ th’ cup an’ ge summore,” he nibbled on the end of his ciggie, hoping for a taste. Liemyx had strict rules about her workshop and smoke was a definite no-no. Xati learned that the third time he needed Shirix to regrow his eyebrows for him.

“You don’t even like coffee that much, do you?”

Xati shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess. Bitter… I like tea a bi’ more, bu’ again, needs lo’s of-

“XATI, I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!!”

“…sugar…” he blinked. “Di’ you jus’ ‘ear tha’, love?”

Eyeing the smoking test tube in her hands that had once been a bubbling green mixture, Liemyx grit her teeth and rubbed some of the ashes from her goggles. “Yes,”

“Sorry, love,” Xati waved his hand and the smoke cleared. “I took ‘is coffee, why’s ‘e mad a’ me now?”

Gnalex poked her head into the room. “I’d suggest running,” she said softly. “Liemyx, may I have some of Xati’s mouth wash?”

“I was just making some,” the goggled girl said softly, setting the tainted test tube aside, “when Xelcan shouted. May I inquire as to why? It will need to wait,”

“Xojhn pissed in Xati’s coffee and Xelcan drank some,” she shrugged.

A long pause and Xati dissolved into a fit of girlish laughter. “Wha? Y’mean, ‘e still go’ piss coffee? Oh, tha’ is jus’ too good!” a snort and a pause. He nearly bit through his cigarette. “Wait, Xojhn did what to m’coffee?”

Gnalex smiled and shrugged, “Don’t grab my ass,”

“But it’s so loverly,”

A roll of her eyes, “Again, I suggest -”

“THERE YOU ARE,”

“-running. Too late,”

Xelcan, a bright shade of red and brandishing gleaming fans, scowled at Xati, panting with rage. “You… I’m going to cut your head off just enough so it’s still attached, fill you with candy, close you up, and use you for a piñata!”

“Oh… bollocks,” Xati ducked a fan, sliding by the enraged temperature master. “Shiteshiteshiteshiteshite… LOVEY, ‘ELP!”

“YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, XATI!”

“GET BACK HERE SO I CAN MAIM YOU!”

Liemyx and Gnalex stared after as Shirix and Xojhn appeared, both panting for air as if they’d run a marathon, Xojhn looking more tired than he usually did. “So, how long do you think he has?”

“I dunno, he’s a fast little thing,” Xojhn mused.

“Xati or Xelcan?”

“Both,” Shirix sighed, rubbing her forehead. “Don’t worry, it’s not like he can actually kill him,”

Liemyx huffed, “And this is why I didn’t want the white castle, it is so hard to clean blood off of white…” she grumbled about the unfairness of blood stains as she turned back to her test tubes, grabbing a few and beginning to mix them together.

Shirix smiled after a minute. “Xinyk, get in here,”

A shock of pink hair appeared, smiling a secretive smile. “Yes?”

“Did you have a hand in this?”

Her brows knit, “Whatever do you mean?”

“Xelcan never gets this angry about anything… you should really stop making him so angry,”

A pout, “But he looks so much cuter with red hair,”

A sigh, “Then ask him to turn the heat up,” she patted the other nobody on her head. “Now, let’s go find Chixara. We need to slow them down and then calm them down…”

Xojhn made a face, “I’ll stay with Liemyx… help her with the chemicals,”

The braided nobody made a noncommittal sound and the others sighed, setting on their hunt. Chixara would most likely take them a while to find but that wouldn’t matter much, she was most likely helping Xati escape a beheading with an extra kick.

“Xinyk… you stay here with them, you know how frustrated Liemyx can get,” Gnalex said softly.

“Fiiine,” the girl sighed, plunking herself down on the chair nearest the table, arms crossed. “I’ll-”

“DID YOU JUST GRAB MY ASS? THAT’S IT, DEATH!”

“OW! MY ARM! STOP HAVING A NICE ASS AND I WON’T TOUCH IT ANYMORE!” a scream and the group of Nobodies paused.

“Did he…” Shirix sighed. “I don’t doubt it, I really don’t,”

Xinyk chuckled to herself, “He told you he liked red heads, didn’t he?”

“Mentioned it once or twice,” the witch nodded. “Knew you had an ulterior motive. Come on, everyone, before he gets seriously injured, or worse, Xelcan gets to his cigarettes,”

The entire room cringed at the thought, nodding as the search and protect party filtered out and Liemyx began to work on cleanser and mouth wash.

- - - - -

A few hours later, a tired and reddened Xelcan shuffled his way into Liemyx’s room. “Mouth wash?” Liemyx offered. “Don’t know if you’d still need it, the piss-coffee was a while… ago…” she paused, staring as Xelcan downed half the bottle, swished it, and spat it out, freezing it, catching it, and tossing it into the trash. His hair, despite the angered look on his face, remained blue, and the air stayed cold.

Xojhn cleared his throat, “So… is he dismembered?”

“Shirix saved him,” Xinyk smiled impishly. “But Xelcan’s still upset… I can feel it,” she preened, moving her shoulders with a smirk. “Did Xati-wati do something to you?”

The temperature master’s face colored brightly and his hair began to color as well. Face flaming again, he put a damper on his hair, lowering the temperature as much as he could. Xojhn quickly put up a barrier around the rest of them, locking in some of the heat before it all disappeared. Xinyk giggled, rocking back and forth with glee.

“He did, he did! Tell us, tell us,” she leaned forward, smiling expectantly. “I want to know, I really do… and don’t bother hiding it because I’ll just ask Nialexdel if you don’t,”

Biting his lip and pushing at the piercing there, Xelcan cursed softly before muttering. “Hm?” Liemyx’s brow knit. “What did he do? You were mumbling,”

Face flaming, hair fully red, and fists clenched, Xelcan closed his eyes, “He kissed me, okay!” he downed the rest of the mouthwash before turning his back to them, swishing his mouth as much as he could before the muscles in his cheeks began to hurt.

Xinyk practically purred as she laughed, rocking back and forth. “He did! Did you like it?”

“No!”

“Then why are you blushing?”

Xelcan scowled, glaring, “He tastes like an ashtray!”

“Ohhhh, he put his tongue in your mouth? How scandalous!”

Xojhn frowned, “I didn’t know Xati liked guys,”

“He doesn’t,” Xinyk beamed, “he likes… redheads!” she ruffled up Xelcan’s hair as it flamed red. “Ohhh, don’t do that, Xelcan!” it softened to blue but it was obvious Xelcan had to try hard to keep it that way. “Why so red, Xelcan? If you didn’t’ like it, no need to be embarrassed,”

Liemyx sighed, “It would explain all of those pet names and the pranks, wouldn’t it? Xati isn’t usually subtle…”

Xojhn couldn’t get it, “If he likes Xelcan, why flirt with all the girls? I had to piss in his coffee this morning because he fondled Gnalex,”

“Diversions,” Xinyk said, preening as the waves of malice rolled off of Xelcan and she absorbed them, warm and soft. “Or a test, to see if he’d get jealous of them…”

“I do not want to talk about this anymore. I’m… I’m going to bed,” he placed a piece of paper on Liemyx’s desk as he passed by, slipping into the hallway.

As the pigtailed nobody picked it up, she ignored Xinyk’s giggling, eyeing the scrawl. A chuckle and a shake of her head. “What does he want?” Xojhn asked, looking over her shoulder.

“Hair dye,” she replied. “That will change colors like his usual hair. He thinks… green might deter him,”

Xinyk clucked her tongue, “Nu-uh, green’s his second favorite color,” she took the paper and ripped it up, smirking coldly. “Besides… he’s a cuter redhead, right?”

Liemyx paused, but smiled. “Of course, Xinyk, I wouldn’t dream of altering such perfection. Go and play, I’m sure there are many more situations you can place the two of them in, hm?”

“I did nothing of the sort,” she said with a cackle, springing for the door. “Good night, everyone, bad dreams!”

Xojhn sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I’m never going to get used to all this,”

“Eventually,” Liemyx said with a grin, eyes shadowed behind her goggles, “we all get used to everything,”